Wonderous Punch drunk love...

WELL, it's finally here…. The moment you’ve all been waiting for.  This crucial moment in my life. The tides have turned, and the gates of heaven have opened up, and an inundation, a downpour of credence have rushed ashore, and spun a tsunami of happiness over the southern hemisphere…

YEP

You guessed it…

Celibacy Blues is sing another tune....

 … And how does it feel???

Like a virgin  again… WTH??

OMG. I could not F’N believe how much pain I was in.  I knew it was not going to be easy, but DAMN. Can you say a-bitch-was-on-SWOLE? …. For MUCH of the experience. 4 days of Wonderous Punch in the puccini, was everything I imagine, and a lot I didn’t think I’d need an icepack for. At one point we made a condom run, and he picks up Trojan fire and ice. I was like “ummm…. hell2danaw.” Shit was already on fire lol. “Don’t want no parts of non-a-that.” I think we ended up with Her Pleasures.  But I seriously think he broke it. Lol. Can you break a V-jay-jay? Any Gynecologist in the house?

Anywho, I guess you’re probably wondering, does this make him the ONE? Do I have a ring on my finger?  Well, the answer is YES, he’s the one. The ring?  Proposably (made up word)—proposal+possibly. Probably doesn’t make sense, but let me explain. Not a real engagement ring, but commitment and promise ring, although, he has technically asked, and there was a tentative acceptance. Not in the traditional sense, but in theory, as we see how the relationship progresses. Then we can revisit said  put-a-ring-on-it proposal.  

Even though, the ring was not necessarily a requirement, in my sexual hiatus, a deeper connection and commitment was what I was after. The idea of true Celibacy is about abstaining before marriage. #FAIL…  I do struggle with actually wanting to do that. That would be the ultimate symbol of true commitment to one another. HE has in fact suggested it. He is strong in his faith, and fears God. #gottalovethatman. He has come to believe in living right in the eyes of God, in regards to sex before marriage. So this idea was not too far fetched for him when I first told him I was newly Celibate. I guess I should say Abstaining, applied better to the situation at the time, because as soon as I said it, he slipped and fell accidently in my abstainence.  #FAIL... but circumstances and distance allowed me to quickly recovered soon after.

What just happened?

                                                           

2 weeks later, and the walls have retracted, and I can finally pee straight... here it is, after 10 long, Long, LONG months, I’m no longer Celibate/abstaining.  Well, kinda am, but not by choice. He IS still currently 1200 miles and 19 hours away. So, I guess now that I think about it, back to square one. DAMN.… well at least my puccini gets a break.  

He said he wanted to feed me

He said he wanted to feed me
Tongue taste him,
Lips to sip on every word,
Drinking every drop, his ink
Smooth taste on my lips, inebriated,
Left me without my inhibitions
Trying to find myself,
Lost in translation,
My mind, left
To defend against nature
Immersed in my essence,
He proposed,
Before I could decline,
My body accepted,
My mind left me,
In a hypnotic trance
Legs like putty
Wrapped around his words
Thighs soft like butter,
Melted on a honey bun,
Hands cuffed, his pen
Extended to write a
Verse to draft the next

this thing

Got me spinning

This thing

Thinking

Naughty

Things,

See this thing,

Is unraveling

I can feel

Deep within

This thing..

Got me thinking of slippin

This thing

Has me aching

Craving

This thing

Has me reminiscing

About kissing

This thing

Has me thinking

This sinking feeling

Feeling

this thing

Missing

This thing

I can’t help

But want

This thing

I’m missing

Wanting

Craving

This thing

Tasting

This thing

 Devouring

This thing

Has me touching

This thing

 Lusting

This thing

Wrap my head around

This thing

…Him

Composition of your love

You’ve touched me…. 

In ways no other man has

And never thought could.

…How good it would feel

Oh, I’ve pondered, and wondered

But until you’ve been touched

You could never feel the reality of it.

You’ve….touched…my….spirit

Under Duress of Love

Standing at the alter, holding my left hand,
In his, he took my ring finger, and
Darned it with the most beautiful expression,
Of him, an impression I’d never forget,
Before God and our family,
He claimed me as his for life,
“I take you to be my wife”
Then we leaned in, kissed, to
Christen this gift of our new life.

But then I heard a loud shout,
“How did she do it?”

Celibacy Blues......."I'm not going to chase forever"

So, it's been approximately 6 months......................

Houston, we have a problem.................

“When a man hurts -- everything about him cries”

“our mouth could never say -- what is really and truly in our hearts

our eyes could never stare it's message back into your eyes

we shed no public tears and show no outward signs

but when a man hurts -- everything about him cries” BY  after vision 

Words seldom spoken, and what is, indiscernible,

Wait (Even if it takes forever).... ok let's not get crazy

“ I'm at that point now and currently writing about it. I'm not necessarily ready for various reasons to actually be in a relationship emotionally. But I'm so over, casual relationships too. So I'm working on trying to separate the two, and re-choreograph my dating or stop dating all together.”

That was a comment I made on another blog, in which the other commenter TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld  says: This is why I always tell women who are interested in making sure that the next relationship they’re in is with the person they will marry, that they should stop having sex.THE VOW ( to LOVE MYSELF til he can....)

THE VOW ( to LOVE MYSELF til he can....)

“ I'm at that point now and currently writing about it. I'm not necessarily ready for various reasons to actually be in a relationship emotionally. But I'm so over, casual relationships too. So I'm working on trying to separate the two, and re-choreograph my dating or stop dating all together.”

That was a comment I made on another blog, in which the other commenter TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld  says: This is why I always tell women who are interested in making sure that the next relationship they’re in is with the person they will marry, that they should stop having sex.

Disarmed Grenade

Borrowed, this topic from a fellow blogger thecandyshoppe, in regards to the new song by Bruno Mars called   Grenade. I had written this poem a couple of months ago. But kind of a different concept, but similar to love and relationships. More of not fully appreciating the present, because you’re expecting the worse . But then realizing, you are creating your own discomfort and confusion in a relationship. 

"Disarmed Grenade"

Armored disguise
Pain-filled eyes
Sting with visions
Of yesterday,
Shooting pain, ammunition
Filled my heart, explosive,
Like a grenade in my hands,
And the pin’s missing,
Released a surge of emotions,

"Attraction is Overwhelming"

Funny how astrologically, attraction is overwhelming
Don’t know how the stars align, but I find myself slowly
Being pulled, gravity forced, the elicit claws, grasp hold,
It’s stinger, filled with capabilities to render,
The strongest, even Capricorns, fall victim, to the
Scorpions Venom……

"PLUSH"

Like the softest terry cloth,

Southern Poise

Made of woolen fleece,

A plush luxury wrapped around me…..

Guarded by my insecurity,

Now disrobing to enter

The depts., of precautious waves;

Unveil truths, dispel secrets,

And chase away mischief …

Facing fears……….cradle me, as you

Erase signs of old tales of yesterday,

Old loves that have strayed away….

Let me bathe in your existence and

Cleanse my soul, in your essence…

To wipe away the past and

Unmask the present.

Exfoliating undesired irritations,

Peeling away layers,

Exposing the extinction of

The shallow body of love that once was ….

without yours.

"Almost Naked"

Fully dressed, thick layers of skin wrap my body tight,

Swaddled like a mummy, wrapped in a thousand year old,

now tattered cloth,

Once soft and white as fresh linen …

Thick layers of skin protect me;

Surrounding all vital functions I need to live,

Though my heart remains vulnerable

So I protect it with my mind, cause that I can control…

But at times I get weak, as what’s in my heart is like kryptonite,

And my mind is like superman,

As your words flow from your mouth to my ears.

They penetrate my mind and ignite brain waves

That travel to my main artery,

Slowly I get weak.

"Comfort Zone"

In my comfort zone, 

Lonely hearts remain absent,

Distracted by my presence

In love with me, brings complacency,

Contentment, abundance of me,

Love overflowing, like the aroma,

Surrounded by a bed of roses,

And the finest magnolias,

Southern Belle, within

The sanctity of my heart,

No morning glory, “love in vain,”

Depleted, as

Lonely hearts bleed empty,

Desire festers within,

Within the epitome of

Southern hospitality.

Demure personality,

A flirtatious being,

Obscured sexuality, sewn within the seams,

With a hint of sensuality, mirrored in her eyes

Only a few chosen will loosen, modest clothes,

Disclose, honeysuckle beneath the blackberry tree,

Sweet as honey, berry tasty juice.

Only a sweet and potatoes man will dew,

Brown sugar, sweet, like soft butter on

A lightly toasted roll, seared into his spirit,

Consumption, over indulge on every grain,

Corn fed on hot water cornbread, in an

Iron cast soul.

Red velvet, a cozy, upholstery of,

Apple Blossoms, living in completeness,

In this atmosphere

Of the sultry, summer sizzle, pecans,

Basking in the southern sun, composing

Harmony in the warm breeze, trees brush

The wind’s esteem, admiring love in the air,

Rooted in old southern charm,

With a new city flair,

Lonely hearts well runs dry

Abandoned loneliness, by the wayside,

By the welcomed signs of open hearts.

Cling to mats outside love’s door,

Waiting on opportunity, for my soul, to

Kick dust off, and fall between the fibers,

Laying a recipe for love to the breed as thick as mud,

Nodding as I Walk by, with the quaintness of a smile,

Never a stranger, waving layers of,

Intimacy wrapped in loyalty, dipped in honesty,

Overwhelmed with quality, and giving,

Gratifying, satisfying physical and mental needs,

Guaranteed to please, tip your hat, sit back

On the porch of life, as you taste the bitter

Lemon’s sweeten, in a tall glass of ice tea.

Southern Poise

Are you currently in your comfort zone? Are you secure with who you are? If you are, is it hard for others to accept who you are in a relationship? And do ever think that you have the best to offer in a relationship, but you are being taken advantage of? or do you feel you have a lot to work on to get to your comfort zone? Does it come with experience?