THE VOW ( to LOVE MYSELF til he can....)

“ I'm at that point now and currently writing about it. I'm not necessarily ready for various reasons to actually be in a relationship emotionally. But I'm so over, casual relationships too. So I'm working on trying to separate the two, and re-choreograph my dating or stop dating all together.”

That was a comment I made on another blog, in which the other commenter TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld  says: This is why I always tell women who are interested in making sure that the next relationship they’re in is with the person they will marry, that they should stop having sex.

This blog post couldn’t have come at a better time. I was literally mulling over ideas in my head on how to start this topic. So there it was my inspiration.  Thanks Dr J for insightful discussion, and TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld for your comment.

So recently, within the last few months, going back to September, I had been going back and forth about this idea. And just was not quite committed to it yet,  because I have my needs. But fast forward to now, I’ve pretty much come to a decision. *Takes deep breath, and sighs, blowing air out slowly*. I am Celibate…..3,2,1….. Nope, not a joke…3,2,1…. Stop waiting for the punch line…ok, let’s see how long this will last. 

So, it’s only been a little over a month now (STOP LAUGHING).  I know, not a long time, right?  I’m sure it is in horn-dog years  I'm not that, but still the same, it’s not an easy task.   I like to get it in It’s not like I was getting it on the regular anyway. So it’s not a total loss.  But it does seem like the moment I said it to myself and honestly meant it, I was already missing it;  Feining for it.  

So this decision came about, due to the long 1 ½ year’s struggle I’ve had since my last relationship. It’s been long for many reasons. One, being the fact that this is the first time in over 19 years, 10 years of which I was actually married, that I’ve been single this long. And I’ve spent 6 years in 2 other long-term relationships combined, with only a few months in between those to breathe. So it’s safe to say, I am a relationship person. I function better in a relationship. I don’t feel like a need a man to complete me, but it’s obvious, that I’ve not given myself time to validate that.

So now that I’ve been out there living the single life it’s scary as hell I’ve come to realize how much I do love relationships. Who the hell would ever want to be single? Sure being single, you get to meet new people, and experience new things ,  put in positions your last chex partner would be mad you did, cause you wouldn’t do it with him  new conversations, I hate the interview .But I’m tired of the dates that lead to dinner at Matt’s and sharing a Juicy Lucy, and after the molten cheese oozes and lands on your lap, no ice to soothe. "WTF you mean no ice????"

I’m tired of the cool Coke, with no ice (for those of you who have no idea about Matt's bar, they don't serve ice. They only  have sodas in a can). I love Coke, and I love ice, so why would I settle for less. Without ice, the drink will eventually go lukewarm, and then I can't drink it, and  I'll end up leaving it sitting on the table. I just need my ice. not a reference to a ring, but IF the ICE fits...  I just want to experience more with someone that wants to experience with me long-term, and not just share my Juicy Lucy.

So, today, I pledge a vow of celibacy, we’ll see about tomorrow. Taking it one day at a time. I realize, that means, I’m not going to be dating much, because let’s face it, men are horney toads, and would piss on you if you let ‘em, not waste their time. Then that means, I wouldn’t be wasting mine. So I’m cool with that. Not saying I’m waiting on ‘the ring’, but waiting on something worth waiting for. Cause I have so much so much more to offer and I deserve more.

Southern Poise