this thing

Got me spinning

This thing

Thinking

Naughty

Things,

See this thing,

Is unraveling

I can feel

Deep within

This thing..

Got me thinking of slippin

This thing

Has me aching

Craving

This thing

Has me reminiscing

About kissing

This thing

Has me thinking

This sinking feeling

Feeling

this thing

Missing

This thing

I can’t help

But want

This thing

I’m missing

Wanting

Craving

This thing

Tasting

This thing

 Devouring

This thing

Has me touching

This thing

 Lusting

This thing

Wrap my head around

This thing

…Him

Slipping inside

This thing

I’m depriving

This thing

I can no longer

Hold

This thing

It’s taking control

Over

This thing

I want to release

This thing

Like a beast

This thing

Is raging

This thing

Waiting for

This thing

To be over

This Celibacy thing

Is taking over

This thing

But this thing

Can’t be tamed

This thing

Can’t be contained

This thing

Remains

Untouched

See

I want more

Than this thing

So I’ll wait

On his ring

Ok, so I don’t really plan to wait until I get married, AGAIN.. but til I meet the right person. Do I know if it will lead to marriage? Maybe not initially, but what I do plan to figure out is that we are both headed in the same direction. I have actually met that guy. At this point it’s a matter of distance. But soon we will be close, and this long, agonizing journey will be over. Prayfully.   I’ve learned a lot in the process. I realized first, I love sex. Or maybe it’s the absence that leads me to believe I love sex.  Either way, I have grown in my curiosity, exploration, and willingness to try different things(not that damn different) O_o.  But, I have developed an open mind.   

Besides that, I also learned to enjoy myself, by myself. I mean, the act of getting dressed to go out, and go on dates is fun, but can be just exhausting. What to wear? Where to go? Who you going with? Not to mention spending money. And then at the end of the date or night out, going home alone is not what it do. It just gets old. So you decide, if I’m going home alone at 2am, I might as well stay home.

Dating is the worst… You can not date a man and expect that he actually means what he says “ Oh, you’re what? Oh ok, I can respect that. We can still hang right? I mean, I understand, so I’m not gone try anything?” O-o RIGHT? That get’s old too. But getting bored at home, and someone else is paying… you go anyway.  I’m sitting here trying to enjoy this movie while you’re trying to put your hand down my shirt. And you’re how old? 30 what? I mean maybe in high school.. Com’on son.  So eventually you just stop, all together. #Notworthit.

Dating is a blessing… lets you weed out the NOT-going-to-EVER-get-its and the You- might-just-be-the-one- to- blow-my-back-outs, and the Lifers

·         NOT-going-to-EVER-get-its-- Everything out of their mouth refers to your physical attributes. You can’t have a decent conversation because every 5 minutes they are referring to my most pronounced asset, my ASSsets…  Already know they aint on nothing, it aint happening, keep it moving.

·         You- might-just-be-the-one- to- blow-my-back-outs—Now this could go either way. They have more of the quality of the type of man I desire. More substance. And because of their physical attributes, (yes this is totally contradictory and double standard).  Is what it is…lol. , THEY COULD GET IT.  But they could also be put in the NOT-going-to-EVER-get-its-  because, their head aint there  yet, and they still on some other stuff. And in reality, I’m more focused, and it’s just not enough for me to drop down low and get my freak on.

·         LIFERS.—These are the men that are totally together. Has every quality I’m looking for… and are ready to commit....but no chemistry. I’m sorry, If I’m not feeling it, there is nothing that you can do, to force a relationship. I’ll always feel like something’s missing. So, I keep it moving.

• THE ONE: HE'S THE ONE aka LIFER

So as of today I have developed a relationship over the pass few months. We dated a while before he had to leave town, but plans to move back. But in the process I did continue to date, and realized that what I’ve found in him is what I’m looking for, and have the NOT-going-to-EVER-get-its, You- might-just-be-the-one- to- blow-my-back-outs, and other LIFERS to thank for that for that. And am looking for to our reunion. But until then

Jill Scott

Celibacy Blues....

The stresses of this world

You know how they come down on a girl

I’m trying to clear my mind

But all I seem to find

Is this gangsta,gangsta,type of need

People say mind over matter

But,I don’t mind what they say

And it don’t matter

This here celibacy thing

Is working on me…

Questions? Comments? What's the longest you've ever gone or waited? did you find dating hard when you're abstaining? Was there ever a time in your life you thought to yourself, enough is enough? and would you ever consider just quitting altogether, and just wait? is it important to you that you find that special someone? or you is it just better to have fun in the process?